10 Steps to Attracting Authentic Love in Your Life


1. Be Your Own Best Friend

Be your own best friend first and if someone else comes along that you connect with, great, but in the meantime you have yourself to count on and have fun with. Speak well of yourself, give yourself positive words of encouragement and stop blaming all of your imperfections as to why you haven’t found a partner. That negativity only tells the universe that you are not ready to meet someone or even worse it will send you someone that will treat you based on how you negatively perceive yourself. If you are trying to find someone else to make you feel good about yourself, you will always be disappointed because the only person who can do that is you. So be your own cheerleader and best buddy!

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” -Lucille Ball


2. Laugh at Yourself

Life doesn’t have to be so serious all the time, even when you are single and trying to find a partner. Don’t beat yourself up over little things. Laugh when you realize you did something silly. It is much better for your self-esteem, mood, and happiness to laugh things off than to start the negative self-talk. Laughing at yourself actually makes you more attractive to other people because it shows that you’re fun and easygoing.

“If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.” -Marie Osmond


3. End Relationships That No Longer Serve You

It is ok to end relationships with people that make you feel bad about yourself and/or are energy vampires. Unless it is a family member, in which case I would say to make it work at least for the holidays, you are not obligated to have a relationship with anyone. Your time is valuable and you have the right to choose who you want to spend your time with. You should be around people that lift you up, and inspire and motivate you. You don’t have to be mean to make people go away or suddenly drop off the face of the earth by avoiding all of their texts/calls (unless it is really bad, then you do what you need to do). There are ways to slowly make yourself unavailable and eventually people will take the hint or be honest and explain that you are trying to focus on having positive relationships. When you do this, you open yourself up to new opportunities of meeting other people that you may connect with.

“Find joy in everything you choose to do. Every job, relationship, home… it’s your responsibility to love it, or change it.” -Chuck Palahniuk


4. Be Patient

Don’t just settle because you don’t want to be alone. When you do this you are closing the door to the possibility of meeting someone better. Make sure to find someone that inspires you and that you want to discover the world with. You deserve to be loved and treated well, so don’t put up with someone that treats you badly. There are so many good people out there you can connect with and find love in. I know it may not seem like that sometimes when we are feeling down and lonely, but there are. You just have to search a little bit before you find the right one for you.

“The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.” -Maureen Dowd


5. Spend Time Alone

We often think that being around people is what makes us happy and that is true to a degree. But if you never spend time alone, you don’t get to truly know yourself and you don’t give yourself the ability to recharge. If you want to be the most present you can be when you are around people, then you need to let yourself have your “me time”. Having your alone time allows you to get to really know who you are and what you want without someone else’s opinion getting in the way. Don’t allow other people to make you feel guilty or push you into cutting down on your me time. You are allowed to spend time with yourself. I used to not know that I needed this, but I do! I had friends and boyfriends that I used to spend 24/7 with because I thought that is what made me happy. But looking back on those times now, I realize that it actually hindered my ability to understand my feelings and thoughts and stopped me from getting to know the real me.

“I restore myself when I’m alone.” -Marilyn Monroe


6. Be Yourself

You don’t need to be like everybody else, just be you. When you try to be like other people you end up attracting things and people that are not really meant for you and therefore are not going to make you happy. Be proud of who you are, including your imperfections. Don’t second guess your actions or what to say. Go with your gut, be yourself and the rest will fall into place. I’ve always been a shy person, and it all stems from the fact that I am a stutterer. I used to fight and hate this part of myself, which only made my stuttering and my self-esteem even worse. It wasn’t until I finally accepted that this is a part of me, that my stuttering decreased tremendously and my self-esteem increased. It still happens (especially when I am nervous) and can be extremely frustrating, but I can honestly say that I am happy that I am a stutterer. The experiences that I have had as a stutterer have made me a stronger, more compassionate person. When you can look at your imperfections as a unique part of yourself and find the positive side of it, you will be a much happier person and therefore attract more of the right people into your life.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” ―Bernard M. Baruch


7. Smile at Strangers and Say Hello

Connecting with others makes you feel good about humanity and you never know where a smile and a hello can go. I used to get upset that strangers didn’t smile or say hello to me when they passed, but then I realized that if I smile and say hi first, strangers will 99% of the time respond with a smile and a hello right back. It makes me feel like I’m part of a community and it opens up the door to meeting new people. You can meet someone anywhere- the grocery store, the laundromat, the hair salon, etc. so start smiling and saying hello because you never know. 😉

“A simple hello can lead to a million things.” -Unknown


8. Mix It Up

If you always hang out at your neighborhood bar, you are limiting your opportunities to meet new people. Yes, occasionally there may be a new girl or boy at the bar, but for the most part your odds are very low. Go to different bars that you have never been to before or better yet try taking a yoga, dance, pottery, or whatever it is you are in to class. I said I would never ever do online dating, but one day I decided, what do I have to lose? And it worked for me. I found my boyfriend of 2 years on Match.com and I couldn’t be happier. Luckily for me he was my second date on Match and I only had one awkward date with another guy before him. My advice is to really screen those profiles and only go on dates with the ones that you truly connect with. Also only commit to a drink on the first date, in case you are not feeling it, you can end it quickly.

“It’s essential to keep an open mind, and to be willing–better yet, eager–to try new things.” -Michael Abrash


9. Be Positive

This is very important: you must think positively and believe that you will find the right person to make you happy in order for it to happen. Stop the negative thinking that you “will always be alone”, you “will never find someone”, and that “there is no one out there.” Don’t even say these things jokingly. The universe doesn’t know you are joking and will follow your command regardless. And stop letting past relationships haunt your possibility of having a new one. Just because another relationship didn’t work out, doesn’t mean you are doomed for life. It just means you haven’t found the right person yet. Start believing that there is someone out there for you and that you will find him/her. Once you start believing that you deserve to be happy and deserve to find someone that treats you right, your chances of meeting someone increases ten fold.

“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.” -Willie Nelson


10. Have Clear, Realistic Expectations

Remember not everyone has the same expectations you do and it is important to share what your expectations are with those you date. It’s good to have some general expectations that guide your actions on who you choose to spend time with and what you want from the relationship. However, be cautious in having expectations up front that are impossible to meet. No one is perfect. Don’t perceive romance in movies as the real deal. Movies are not real life and you shouldn’t build your expectations from them. If you try to plan out step by step how a relationship should develop, you will end up disappointed and frustrated. If you have all the details planned out in your mind of what your partner should be like, including what they should say, look like, act like, you again will end up disappointed and you are just limiting your opportunities. Have some general expectations, but also allow yourself to be open minded, go with the flow, and see what happens!

“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” ―Donald Miller

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